Fumando e Semeando a Paz!

Caos in Casa

hempadao 28 janeiro, 2014

Meu nome é N., tenho 18 anos, e junto com essa virada de ano consegui finalmente acabar com o preconceito que sofria em casa por fumar maconha. Fumo maconha desde os 13 anos e vivo tomando no c* desde então, pois tenho um irmão mais velho usuário de crack e ex usuário de cannabis que deixou a minha mãe completamente careta em relação ao assunto (não culpo ela).

Quando minha mãe encontrou maconha pela primeira vez nas minhas coisas ela quase me internou, assim como todo maconheiro já deve ter escutado, me deu aquele sermão de que eu ia acabar em outras drogas, e por ter um exemplo em casa sempre foi muito difícil de conviver com ela. Com o passar dos anos parei de me importar em esconder as coisas no meu quarto, coloquei meus dreads, brigava cada vez mais com a minha mãe até se tornar algo extremamente exaustivo.

Nunca fui uma pessoa irresponsável, não tenho ficha na polícia, bebo raramente, nunca rodei de ano, trabalho, faço faculdade, enfim… nunca dei motivos, além da maconha, para receber uma pressão familiar tão grande. Quando fiz 17 anos minha mãe mais uma vez encontrou maconha no meu quarto e, dessa vez, me arrebentou a pau, a minha irmã ficou olhando e deu total razão para ela, quebraram as minhas coisas, não me deixavam mais sair de casa, e todos os dias ela dizia que se arrependia de ter me tido. Poucos meses depois eu tentei me matar, e até hoje eu não sei como que eu não consegui. A única coisa que passava na minha cabeça era "por que o fato de eu fumar maconha faz tão mal para os outros? por que eu mereço apanhar por isso?" e depois de um longo tempo no hospital ouvi minha mãe me responder que eu não merecia.

Este final de ano finalmente pude, depois de tanta merda, falar abertamente para a minha mãe que eu fumava e ganhar um abraço depois, ouvir as desculpas que eu tanto queria e, acima de tudo, ouvir ela admitir que o que me trazia sofrimento não era a maconha, e sim, o ambiente onde eu estava vivendo. Hoje em dia vivo sozinha mas mantenho contato com toda a minha família, que depois de muito tempo me aceita como eu sou. Só gostaria de deixar um conselho para esse início de ano: não deixem que as pessoas coloquem vocês para baixo, façam aquilo que faz vocês se sentirem bem e o resto… é o resto.

Relato de um leitor enviado para redacao@hempadao.com



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